(Dec 23, 2005)

I wanted to discuss something very beautiful which I saw and experienced a few days back. It must be more than a week since my grandmother passed away. She was not my real nani, my mother's mother but my mother's aunt. But she was all that my mother and her siblings have ever seen of a family; she and their whole family, because all the rest are in Kashmir. Ahhhh..so near yet so far. Just a week earlier my real nani heard about the death of her eldest sister and it wasn't like she had died just that day. It so happened that my nani called relatives back in Kashmir as a matter of routine and when she asked about this sister of hers, someone told her that she had passed away. How helpless and pathetic are mortals like us left in face of decisions of God. But there are some decisions that we take of our own accord; situations that we create ourselves. Could she not have seen the last of her sister? Could she not have went to look after her sister in her last days, or for that matter, all her siblings who have passed away in these almost 60 years that she has been here in Pakistan. My mother told me that relatives back in Kashmir had asked for the hand of my mother and her elder sister in marriage but my nani was the strongest opponent of any such proposal. She did not want her daughters to crave for family all their life the way she had to here in Pakistan.

Anyways, back to my choti nani's death. I dont know but I sensed this once before when my uncle's new born daughter died. It was a toy sent their way from God after about 10 years and mann, were they anticipating her arrival. Everything was fine. They had her aqeeqa and everyone was so happy. We could not go which was sort of bad but everyone was following up on her first days at home. And then, hardly two or three days after her aqeeqa, we got the news that she had died. It was so depressing. I had heard about my other mamoo's daughters and how their kids died, the very reason why everyone was so happy when they had their first in 1997, but this was the first time it happened in front of me. I was expecting all of them to be highly distraught and though we did not go right after her death, we went after about a week. And I was in for a surprise. The way they all were handling it was beautiful to say the least. There was no hiding the fact that they were sad, that a toy had just been taken away from them, that all the anticipation and the preparation was afterall in vain. But they were going on with life holding on to any solace that they could get from anywhere. And it was not just anywhere that they were turning to for comfort. It was simply the faith that all had happened for some reason. The faith of good to expect in the future life for God often tests the resilience of his people, making it an excuse to bless them. Ofcourse he doesn't need excuses but it is only the choicest that he tests. And he has plans for everyone. One might wonder why send a baby to this world when it is going to be taken away in hardly a week. But then there are reasons. And it is so amazing how things turn up when you need them the most. My cousins found this ruffled paper from some corner of their house which had this beautiful poem written on it about how God tests us and His tests make us stronger from within. My cousin wrote that down for us but I guess I misplaced it somewhere. Yes, there were those tears flowing for a lost angel, there were those sombre moments for the li'l fingers. There was disappointment at lost dreams and plans. My mamoo did rub his eyes before going to bed to keep away the tears, my mami did have faint recollections of the wiggling white thing. But they knew that they had to move on. That life was possible with just her memories and not the little angel in the cradle. And the biggest comfort were the good tidings that have been given to parents whose children dont get to experience their love and affection. And it was all so simple. It was not a rejection of reality but a confirmation of the truth..and it was pleasant.

And I saw the same acceptance of reality at my nani's death. They were sad. They even got hysterical but then they also found moments to smile at the toddler's mischief, at the baby's doodling. You move on and give in to God's plans for the hope for a better tomorrow.

May God grant us all the courage to face such tragedies. (Amen)

posted by shhhnuff duff @ 7:58 AM